


뻔하잖아

by Quackyeon



Category: B1A4, VIXX
Genre: A lot of sass, Chanshik is loved up, Chanshik is so done, Character Death, Future Fic, HIV/AIDS, Hakyeon is judging everyone, Hongbin makes some questionable choices, Hongbin needs a hug, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Past Drug Use, Past Promiscuity, mentions of hate crime, quite a bit of sarcasm, that is minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-06 23:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10346658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quackyeon/pseuds/Quackyeon
Summary: Hongbin has always been second best in every aspect of his life. He's comfortable with that - or so he thinks.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [kpopolymfics2017](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2017) collection. 



> This fic was written for K-Pop Olymfics 2017. Olymfics is a challenge in which participants write fics based on prompt sets and compete against other teams of writers, organized by genre. 
> 
> This is Team Future’s fic for the following prompt set:  
>  **Baek Yerin – "Bye Bye My Blue"**  
> [lyrics](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2016/06/baek-ye-rin-bye-bye-my-blue) | [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbhK3wMXluE) | [supplementary](https://www.flickr.com/photos/oliverpetersen/27016196514) [prompts](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/olymficsmod/37777224/980/980_900.jpg)
> 
> The other 2 fics for this prompt can be found in [the collection](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2017). Competition winners are chosen by the readers, so please rate this fic using [this survey](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1UrLiQD1GWi4BAMDXN4WXTMrUvQ8gvR189qF6PbwOw4w/viewform?edit_requested=true)!
> 
> 뻔하잖아 means Obviously, or You're Obvious.
> 
> I want to thank L so much for listening to me go on about this fic and tell me that this was a story that needed to be told.  
> I would also like to thank Blossom, without you there would be no beginning, middle or end of this fic. Thank you for encouraging me and promising me that I wasn't ruining too many lives. Thank you so much for listening to me even when I didn't think it was going to be possible for me to write this story.

Hongbin already knows who is at the door and why when Chanshik calls him down. Hongbin hadn't seen Wonshik since they split up in front of the rest of VIXX in a stupid blow out fight that had ended in words being said that they both regretted. That night they'd gone back to the place Hongbin was still living in (he really needed to move out - or get Chanshik to move out) and Wonshik had tried to apologise but Hongbin had known that he should end it. He still remembered every heartbreaking moment. He took the heart breaking steps to the door and saw the man he was still in love with, the man who would always be his best friend, the only man he'd ever loved crying his eyes out. "Wonshik." 

"He died." Hongbin knew who Wonshik was talking about. The man he hadn't seen for years, not since Wonshik and him had gotten together. Hongbin had been working on being ready to see them together but had just never made it past that finish line.

"I know." Hongbin said, "Hakyeon called." Hongbin wanted to hold him. He wanted to pull Wonshik against him and tell him it was going to be ok, that it would all be over soon, that time could heal his wounds. But here was Wonshik after years and the wound was still open in his heart, blood pouring out into his chest cavity slowing his heartbeat. He couldn't do it. He looked at Chanshik who just looked back blankly. 

"I have to text Jinyoung." Chanshik mumbled, running back up the stairs and shutting his door quickly. 

"It's my fault." 

"Unless you're confessing to murder Wonshik you didn't kill him." Hongbin said quietly, moving out of the way to let Wonshik into his place. "Do you want to talk?" not that Hongbin wanted to talk about Jaehwan, that was the last thing he wanted to do. He'd actually cut Jaehwan out of his life after Wonshik had left. At first Hakyeon had tried to get them all to meet up together but he'd soon learnt that Hongbin didn't go if Jaehwan was. "I don't mind... I am worried Wonshik, I've never seen you this drunk." 

"I killed him, I loved him and he's dead and it's my fault." Wonshik stumbled a little but Hongbin caught him. Hongbin helped get Wonshik to the sofa, pouring him a glass of water. 

"Drink this. You need to stay hydrated." Hongbin watched Wonshik before taking a small breath. "How did you kill him?" 

"By loving him." Wonshik answered, Hongbin really didn't have time for riddles. He just wanted to go to sleep and pretend this whole thing wasn't happening. He regretted not asking Hakyeon how Jaehwan had died, because it seemed that Wonshik wasn't going to be telling any time soon. "He left me." Wonshik mumbled. "He left me completely alone." That stung, Hongbin knew he hadn't been _there_ , because he couldn't bring himself to see them happy together but to know that his closet friend classed him as nothing hurt inexplicably. 

"You're drunk." Hongbin just said plainly. 

"You're probably happy he died. You couldn't stand him." Wonshik could be a little vicious after a drink but then again so could Hongbin and they had had a lot of fights in their relationship. 

"I didn't want anything bad to happen to him Wonshik." 

"But you hated him." Wonshik raised his voice. "You hated him because I was happy and you were alone. Like you always are." 

"Wonshik." It was Chanshik's voice, the man was standing in the doorway. "I think you best stop there. You need to sleep this off." Hongbin helped Wonshik to his room and lay him on the bed, the younger came out and went downstairs to get a drink of water. Chanshik eyed him "You can stay in my room tonight." He said quietly. "I'll put my phone on do not disturb so you won't be bothered by it lighting up." 

"I need to sleep with Wonshik." Hongbin said quietly, "He's drunk and I need to make sure he doesn't die or something." 

"You are aware he's an adult Hongbin. He can't just come back like this because Jae-" 

"Don't bring him up." Hongbin bit back, leaving the room. He sighed softly slipping into the bed with Wonshik, he made sure the other was lying on his side so he wouldn't be at risk during the night. Hongbin sighed sitting up in the bed grabbing his nintendo handheld gaming console and putting in the bomberman cartridge, he knew it was just a remastering of an old game but it always seemed to soothe his anxiety and he was thankful that nintendo kept making it. He looked over at Wonshik every so often and sighed. It was like how it used to be. Wonshik would fall asleep, usually one arm strewn loosely across Hongbin's lap while he played bomberman until he felt relaxed enough to sleep and then he'd slip down and fall asleep in Wonshik's arms. 

But that wasn't going happen today. He wasn't his lover. Wonshik was just an ex, his best friend who was currently broken hearted and falling to pieces. Hongbin knew that Jaehwan had consumed Wonshik since before Mydol. Wonshik had been infatuated from the first time they met, slowly, irrevocably falling further and further in love with the man who talked a little too much and a lot too loud for Hongbin's personal taste. Hongbin had tried to keep Wonshik from making a fool of himself - he didn't know anyone in the group's sexuality and Taekwoon was always testy on the subject so it was something that was more often than not better left unsaid. 

Hongbin had never intended on falling in love with Wonshik and honestly, he didn't know when it happened. He didn't know when the love he had for the man blurred, when it wasn't just loving him because he was his best friend. Hongbin had ended up being the one to make the first move. It was just after Hakyeon and Taekwoon had gone into the military, when he didn't have to worry about Taekwoon finding out, he had gone over to Wonshik's studio to hear his latest work and had ended up kissing him, softly at first but it had become a little more. 

Wonshik was shy and a little inexperienced, but Hongbin had never been with a man so it was something that worked for both of them. Wonshik was a hopeless romantic which was the complete opposite to Hongbin, his opposite, the Yin to his Yang, the one person in the world who made Hongbin feel grounded. It hadn't been easy, well telling Wonshik's family had been easy - they had suspected he was gay for years and they were more than accepting, Hongbin was taken in by them and loved as if he were their son. It was weird to think that being with Wonshik wasn't just being loved by him, it was being loved by his whole family. 

Telling Hongbin's family had been harder, they didn't really understand but then they'd come around to the idea of the two of them being together. Hongbin looked at Wonshik's back praying he wouldn't touch the tattoo, he had always liked to trace the tattoos that adorned Wonshik's body. Loving Wonshik was as easy as breathing, but Hongbin had always had to share Wonshik with Jaehwan and that had always felt like Hongbin was in the noose, dropped in the gallows but his feet could just about touch the floor, occasionally allowing him to breathe but for the most part he was fighting a loosing battle.

Hongbin didn't like sharing, especially Wonshik. He could see the others mind wandering sometimes and he felt consumed by wondering if it was Jaehwan on his mind. He hated Jaehwan. He hated him so much it burned in his veins. He left the group because he couldn't even stand the sight of Jaehwan, he didn't want to hear his obnoxious laugh, he didn't want to see his face, or hear his soft singing voice, he wanted to never see the man again. But he was tied to him, even after he left VIXX he was still tied to Jaehwan. 

The rest of the group had disintegrated soon after. Sanghyuk had gotten some lucrative acting deal and was rolling in it. Jaehwan and Taekwoon had solo careers for a while, and then Taekwoon went back to singing with Hakyeon. They were still an active duo singing ballads although both of them were on a small hiatus because they both had young children, Hakyeon had a little girl and Taekwoon had twin boys. Wonshik had composed and written music, he'd done solo stuff but he wrote all of Jaehwan's songs, this drove Hongbin insane. He hated that he couldn't just let it go, they had to spend a lot of time together because they were working together. 

Hongbin stared at the game and not Wonshik when he remembered the last conversation they had a couple. 

"What is your problem, Hongbin, you embarrassed us at the restaurant to make a point?"

"What? You spend more time with him than me." 

"He's preparing for a comeback." 

"You still love him." 

"Hongbin, I love you _too._ " 

"I'm not... I don't want you to settle. I can't do this anymore." 

Hongbin wiped under his eyes, it had been years and he should have gotten over it by now, but in a way it was just another person who hadn't wanted him enough. Wonshik was a person who Hongbin loved with all of his heart but just like everyone else had never loved Hongbin as much. 

Wonshik had moved out the next day, it wasn't that long after that Hongbin was told by Sanghyuk (by accident) that Jaehwan and Wonshik were sleeping together. Hongbin had ended up blocking Jaehwan on Facebook all he did was post pictures of them together, talk about the dates they went on, post cute messages on Wonshik's wall. It burned in Hongbin's chest and really he couldn't be jealous, could he? He broke up with Wonshik, he all but told the other to go throw himself at Jaehwan. Hongbin had known they'd gotten promise rings for each other (because Hakyeon told him before his wedding). 

The wedding had been hard. Seeing them together for the first time, as he'd been avoiding VIXX reunions but Hakyeon was actually going to break into his house in the middle of the night and shank him or something if he didn't go to the wedding. Hongbin had felt his heartbreaking all over again when he saw them sat together, when they'd danced together Hongbin had wished the ground would swallow him up. He had left early (and Hakyeon had given him an earful once he got back from his honeymoon) and just gone home to cry and play video games. 

He looked back at Wonshik, he felt bad - he'd missed out on so much of his best friend's life because he didn't want to see him with another man. He wondered if it had been anyone but Jaehwan, would he have felt differently? He didn't know, but he did know that right now Wonshik needed him and he wasn't going to let him down. Hongbin put the console down and shifted to lie in the bed. He couldn't help but move to press a soft kiss to the back of Wonshik's shoulder before turning and falling asleep facing the other way.

Hongbin woke up the next morning alone in his bed. He sighed, he didn't know what he had expected. He padded downstairs and saw Wonshik sat in the living room. Hongbin sat next to him and gave him a little smile. "Are you feeling any better this morning?" 

"He's still dead." Wonshik said blandly. "I have to, I don't know, I should go speak to his parents." 

"Do they not know?" 

"Of course they know Hongbin, I have to go so we can work the funeral arrangements and I mean, I probably have to follow up with the police." 

"You didn't _actually_ kill him, did you?" 

"No Hongbin, I wasn't the person who kicked his fucking head in. But it was my fault." 

"Wonshik." 

"Look, they'd followed us, home, we'd been at pride. I'd begged him to go to pride with me. You remember that year we were going to go and that gay guy was attacked on the subway so we didn't. Well this year, there were no hate crimes. I thought it was safe." Wonshik didn't look at Hongbin this whole time. "You see, we went and it was great. It was nice to not feel like we were the only gay couple in the world." Hongbin heard Chanshik coughing from the other room. "And we were walking home together, some guys who'd seen us there cornered us when we were only a few feet away from our place. I had no... I couldn't stop them and Jaehwan he stood in front of me. By the time someone called the Police and they came Jaehwan was already on the ground and they were just kicking him, I didn't think they'd ever stop. He held on for a few days." Wonshik said quietly. "But no one could help. No one could save him." 

"Did they hurt you?" Hongbin said quietly, he couldn't help but be more concerned for Wonshik right now. 

"Does it matter? They _killed_ the love of my life. They took his life because he loved me. If I'd stayed with you he wouldn't have died." Wonshik stood up and then left the apartment slamming the door. Hongbin couldn't help but just stare, knowing he maybe shouldn't have pressed the other. 

"You do know he basically said he wished you'd died." Chanshik said from the doorway. "Also, I still don't see why you were with him for so long. He's a dick. I thought he was a dick when you were with him the first time." 

"He's just hurt. He's been through a lot." Hongbin said quietly. 

"You do know that's a flag for someone who's emotionally manipulative." Chanshik watched Hongbin. 

"Shouldn't you be sucking off Jinyoung or something?" 

"I cancelled our date because Wonshik came here. Because someone has to make sure you're ok, Hongbin. Because last time you two were around each other, you came out of it burned." 

"He's my best friend." 

"You haven't talked to him since you dumped him so he could go fuck Jaehwan." Chanshik raised his voice. "I've been here for you every damn day while you were with him, after you broke up. I was fucking here the night of Jinyoung's sisters wedding because you fucking found out Jaehwan and Wonshik bought promise rings. I have skipped dates to play video games with you and I am somehow still underneath him in your friend hierarchy. Here's a news flash Hongbin, he's just going to hurt you again." Chanshik went to his room slamming the door. Leaving Hongbin to cry on the sofa.

It wasn't easy for Hongbin to admit it but Chanshik was right, although he had no intention of telling the other man that today. He just wondered if there was anything that he would be able to do about it all, or if he was going to be trapped in this kind of self-deprecating and rather destructive cycle. He knew that Wonshik wasn't good for him, that Wonshik would always love Jaehwan in a way that he would never be able to love Hongbin but Hongbin couldn't just give up on him. Who would give up on their best friend?

Hongbin avoided Chanshik for a few days, he knew it was better to let the other man calm down. He didn't really know how he could come back from that conversation. He knew that he was wrong, for the most part, but Wonshik was different. Wonshik had always been different. Wonshik was the only man he'd ever loved, the only person he'd ever loved. The only person who made him think that he could settle down, could have family. Wonshik had made it seem like all his past beliefs about love were wrong. 

He'd also continued to meet up with Wonshik. He had even agreed to go to the funeral, which made him a little anxious because there wasn't really anything in the world that could prepare him for that. He hadn't seen some of the others from VIXX since Hakyeon's wedding. He hadn't been in very good contact with any of them. He hadn't wanted them to choose between him and Wonshik, because who would choose him? Wonshik was the one who wrote the chart topping songs. 

Hongbin stood with Wonshik for the duration of the funeral and at the wake the whole of VIXX sat together, sharing stories of things Jaehwan did when he was Ken, and also after that. Hongbin didn't know some of the stories as he'd been missing from their lives for years but part of him knew nothing could ever be the same again now they had lost Jaehwan. Hakyeon hadn't really said anything when Hongbin and Wonshik had left together - he didn't have to, Hongbin could practically feel the disapproval radiating off Hakyeon. He brought Wonshik back to his place, Chanshik was out - because Jinyoung wanted to show him around his hometown (although Hongbin suggested it was to do with the funeral because the couple would have assumed that Hongbin was going to be a mess after). 

It wasn't long after they'd gotten in that Wonshik threw himself into Hongbin's arms and kissed him hard. Hongbin kissed back, he hated how natural this all felt. He hated that this was what he wanted, that he was gaining from the loss of Jaehwan. He didn't move to stop Wonshik though, he knew the other was just kissing him because he didn't want to be alone tonight but Hongbin was ok with that. 

Hongbin was very quick to strip out of his suit, both of them were discarding their suits as they got towards the bedroom and were already naked when they both landed in the bed. The kisses were desperate, rushed, there was nothing gentle about this, but Hongbin didn't care. He craved this, he wanted this so badly. Hongbin lent over and grabbed a condom. "Are you sure you want this?" He said softly, Wonshik confirmed without hesitation. 

Hongbin woke up lying next to Wonshik, arms loosely strewn over each other. He got up and pulled on his boxers. He walked down the stairs to meet eyes with Chanshik who had clearly just got in, his bag still with him. "He's here isn't he?" Chanshik said quietly. 

"Don't do this." Hongbin said back, moving to pick up the clothing they had been so careless as to leave everywhere. 

"I can't believe you are having sex with him." Chanshik dropped the bag onto the floor. "The love of his life just died! You're just a rebound." 

"You don't know what is happening between me and him." 

"Oh so you aren't fucking him?" Chanshik said before giving a fake laugh. "Please Hongbin, you're so obvious. Does he even know _your status_?" 

"I swear Chanshik." Hongbin warned him. 

"Oh wait no, that would require you telling him what happened after he left and then of course you'd have to tell him something that might make him leave again and you wouldn't want that now, would you?" 

"Fuck off, Chanshik." 

"I will, I'm going to stay with Jinyoung for a while, if you need me... well you have your _best friend_ , don't you?"

"Hakyeon's dropping his daughter off for the afternoon so if you could leave before that, it would be great." was all Hongbin said before storming off into the kitchen. He didn't want to continue talking about this with the other and honestly arguing with him was getting them nowhere. He didn't have the strength to argue about Wonshik. 

Later when Hakyeon came to pick up his daughter. The little girl came running out to her daddy, running into a tight hug. Hongbin felt a small pang of jealousy, he wasn't going to have the whole family thing. Hakyeon stared at Hongbin, his three year old daughter in his arms clinging to her daddy. He shook his head and then put the little girl down. "Mommy is in the car, Daddy will be out in a second I need to talk to Uncle Hongbin." The little girl ran down the stairs to get to her Mommy. Hakyeon looked back at Hongbin. "Wonshik, again?" 

"Don't." 

"I thought you were done. I thought you'd learnt your lesson. I told you when you first got together and you didn't listen to me and now you're stupid enough to get involved with him when Jaehwan died a few weeks ago. So are you boyfriends or are you just fucking? Because either way, I do not want my daughter around any of the implosion this is going to be. I don't want her seeing or hearing anything that's not appropriate." 

"Drop her with Taekwoon then." 

Hakyeon eyed Hongbin. "You know jealousy isn't a good look for you Hongbin. You're jealous of a dead man." 

"I don't care what _he_ did. He's gone Hakyeon." 

"And yet the ghosts live in us Hongbin. You think I don't see what's going on? You think I'm dense. Because you're heading on a collision course and you can stop it." Hakyeon let out a frustrated noise. "You're not going to listen to me, you didn't the first time. But this time Hongbin, this time I have a wife, I have a daughter. I'm not going to be here to pick up the pieces, you're going to have to put your big boy pants on and deal with it. Alone." 

Hakyeon sent Hongbin a text that night telling him that he was going to be letting Sanghyuk babysit his daughter for a little bit as apparently the little girl always ran to the screen whenever Sanghyuk was on it. Hongbin suspected that was a lie, and he didn't really care to reply about it. He knew that deep down, it wasn't a good idea to have a child around him when he was in this kind of place. He was either going to be with Wonshik or that was a one time thing and he wasn't sure which would be worse. 

Chanshik came back a few days later, Hongbin looked up when he heard the key turn in the door. Chanshik came into the living room and sighed. "Is he here?" 

"No, he left an hour ago." 

"I'm not going to be nice to him." Chanshik said bluntly. 

"He won't be nice to you." Hongbin said flatly. 

"Perfect." Chanshik sighed when he turned back to go up the stairs. "Look, Hongbin, I missed you." 

"I missed you too." Hongbin said almost robotically. 

"I hope you're his first choice this time." Chanshik said with a small sigh. "Because he might be familiar, and it's easy and safe to be with someone familiar but maybe you need to look elsewhere." 

After that day it got easier to be with Wonshik, because Chanshik didn't really say anything about it. It had been a few months and Chanshik wasn't even making snide comments anymore. Wonshik had come over and he and Hongbin were starting to get hot and heavy on Hongbin's bed. Hongbin pulled back when Wonshik's hand slipped into his boxers. "We're out of condoms" Hongbin said, Wonshik shifting to kiss at his neck, hand stroking Hongbin. "Wonshik." Hongbin said a little firmer this time. "We can't do this." 

Wonshik pulled back, moving so he could straddle Hongbin on the bed, he kissed him again harder, hips rolling down against Hongbin's. "I think your body is saying we can." Wonshik mumbled, and Hongbin cursed his body for betraying him. He knew he was getting hard and he could feel Wonshik's cock hardening against him. 

"Wonshik, we just can't. We have no condoms." 

"Hongbin, I'm only fucking you and you never leave so it's not like you're fucking anyone else." Wonshik was now kissing his neck and he knew if he didn't stop Wonshik soon he was going to end up getting carried away and then he really would regret it. 

"Wonshik, I'm not doing this without a condom." 

"Jaehwan was clean. I'm clean. You're clean. I know you don't like mess but I'm gonna ride you so the mess is not your problem." 

"I'm not." 

"You're not?" Wonshik raised a brow. He sat back, knees still either side of Hongbin's hips. "Look if you don't want to have sex just say." 

"Wonshik." Hongbin sighed, he hated this. He hated that Wonshik was just pushing him up against a wall. 

"I mean what is it? I mean you were into the sex yesterday? I know you prefer fucking me than being fucked. So I don't see what the fucking problem is." 

"I have HIV." Hongbin practically shouted. Wonshik got off him and got off the bed. Hongbin couldn't even look at him. Wonshik was just staring, not speaking. Hongbin took a small breath and got up, pushing past Chanshik who had appeared at the doorway and ran into the bathroom slamming the door. 

"You knew." Wonshik said at Chanshik. Hongbin hated that he could still hear their conversation. He was terrified of finding out what Wonshik was going to say about it all. "You fucking knew he has HIV and let me fuck him." 

"Trust me Wonshik, you fucking him is not what I want." Chanshik bitched. "Because in the end this is all your fault. So why the fuck would I want you anywhere near him? If it was up to me you would never see him again." 

"How is this my fault? I didn't give him HIV." 

"No you just destroyed him. You killed him in every single way and he was like the walking dead. He would go out to clubs, he would get off his face, alcohol, drugs, whatever it took and then he'd fuck. Sunwoo brought him home sometimes. The partying was out of control and when he wasn't partying, well, you've seen the scars. You shattered every fibre of his being and I had to try to keep him from dying. My boyfriend used to sleep here so we could watch him in shifts. I was terrified I was about to lose my best friend because of some fucking asshole guy who wanted to fuck their bandmate. Was Jaehwan worth it? Did you even love Hongbin or was he just filling some fucking void?" 

"Chanshik, that's enough." Hongbin said from the hallway. He stepped into the room "Look Wonshik I think it's probably best if you go." He said quietly, he wanted this day to be over, he wanted to just sleep. "I want to be alone."

It took over a week for Wonshik to text him. Wonshik asked him to meet him at a cafe to 'talk'. Hongbin knew what this was going to be about but agreed despite wanting to run away and hide. He arrived and got a latte before sitting down across from Wonshik. "When?" 

"About 8 months after we broke up." 

"How?" 

"I don't know Wonshik." 

"How?" Wonshik said firmer. 

"I _don't_ know. I spiralled when you left and I was going out and drinking and doing drugs but I was also having unprotected sex and calling Chanshik at stupid times crying and needing to be picked up. So no Wonshik, I can't tell you the date I contracted HIV, I can't tell you who gave it to me, or how. But I manage it. I take my medication and I'm apparently undetectable but I will _always_ use a condom." 

"Ok." Wonshik took a small sip of his drink. 

"Ok? That's all you have to say?" 

"You slept around." Wonshik shrugged. 

Hongbin sighed and just pushed back on his chair and got up. "I'm going, I didn't come here for you to talk to me like this or for you to judge me. You don't get to judge me." 

Hongbin left, he didn't look back, he didn't cry. He just walked, he walked past his apartment and kept walking. He didn't really know why but he didn't want to go into the apartment and have to tell Chanshik what had happened.

He did eventually go home, but Chanshik didn't ask. Chanshik assumed and Hongbin was thankful for that. He was also thankful for Zelda for distracting him because thinking wasn't something he wanted to be doing right now. Hongbin eventually opened his mouth, "Wonshik thinks I'm a whore." Hongbin said quietly. 

"Because of your HIV?" 

"Obviously." 

"Well fuck him." Chanshik shrugged a little. "I know this isn't a good time but Jinyoung asked me to move in with him _finally_ " 

"Really?" Hongbin paused the game. This was major, Chanshik had been pining for Jinyoung to ask him to move in for years now. Hongbin wondered just how many hints Jinyoung had been completely oblivious to, or if he hadn't noticed that Chanshik's things were appearing in his place slowly over time. Maybe Jinyoung really was that slow to notice. Hongbin felt a pang of guilt that he was jealous of Chanshik. He'd gotten everything in life, he was pretty, B1A4 had been successful, he was with the man of his dreams - a man who would take a bullet for him, a man who would do _anything_ just to make Chanshik happy. "I'm so happy for you." Hongbin said with a smile. 

"Let's order pizza and get drunk on really shit wine." Chanshik laughed and got ready to order. "Finally I get to live in a real house not just a two floor apartment." He teased a little.

The doorbell rang and Hongbin ran down to answer it. "Wow your delivery was quick- Wonshik." 

Chanshik appeared at the stairs, arms folded, watching. Hongbin let Wonshik in and Chanshik shook his head, Hongbin didn't even need to look at him to know what he was thinking. Hongbin had no idea what he should do. Hongbin shut the front door and looked at Wonshik, just watching him. 

"Are you not taking me to your room?" Wonshik said. "Don't you want me?" 

Hongbin sighed, of course Wonshik was here for sex. Hongbin took a small breath. "That's just it, Wonshik. I will _always_ want you. But that isn't the point." 

"I don't understand why you are making such a big deal out of this." 

Chanshik scoffed from the top of the stairs and if looks could kill Wonshik would have been dead more than once over. Hongbin looked at the man. He loved him, he always would, but right now he didn't like the man very much. He knew that he was never going to be Wonshik's first choice, that he was always going to be just a stand-in for Jaehwan. Part of him wanted to scream that Jaehwan was never coming back, but the other part of him was calm. He didn't have to be second choice. He was Lee Hongbin, he was good enough to be someone's first choice. 

Hongbin knew that safe was safe, but a ship in the harbour is safe, but ships were made to sail. Maybe he should leave the harbour.

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to add that in Seoul in 2015 Pride was cancelled the week before (it was on a weekend, and a weekday during that week it was cancelled) because a gay man was killed on the underground train. It was not to far from where I was living at the time and it still haunts me in some ways to this day.


End file.
